Tag Archives: Humor

Stay Off Icy Roads

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Commentary

I keep thinking about what I was trying to communicate in this poem. It may be this: we all have a different tolerance for assumptions. I have trouble with people who jump to conclusions with hardly any thought (the first stanza).

Others are better about checking their assumptions (the second stanza), but they still skate over many facts without considering them. Such people are efficient in their thinking (think of Daniel Kahneman’s “thinking fast”). Still, such people can get irritated when their assumptions are questioned. They don’t want to slow down to consider weaknesses in their thinking. I get along fine with such people… for the most part.

How about the third stanza? One cannot live without making millions of assumptions every day, so nobody REALLY lives fully in the third stanza. But some of us come closer than others. Just ask my wife. When something goes missing in the house, I am methodical in my search; I look in places where she doesn’t bother looking. She’s being efficient; I’m being thorough. I once found something valuable that was missing (keys, if I remember correctly) IN THE TRASH BIN IN THE ALLEY. Yeah, remember that? Boom! I’ll always have the keys in the trash can story to excuse my slow thinking!

(background image cropped and tinted from original by Albrecht Fietz on Pixabay)

Preserving Sliced Cheese

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Commentary

PRACTICAL POETRY
When it comes to pleasures in life
The perils and pitfalls are rife
The proper preserving of cheese
May help you avoid some of these

In case you can’t imagine what I’m talking about, here’s a picture of me making a sandwich with sliced deli cheese that was frozen. Notice how crumbly it is!

(background image by Matthias Böckel on Pixabay)

Eutychus’ Advice

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Commentary

In my crawl through the book of Acts, I’m to chapter 20, and I hit this passage:

On the first day of the week we came together to break bread. Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. There were many lamps in the upstairs room where we were meeting. Seated in a window was a young man named Eutychus, who was sinking into a deep sleep as Paul talked on and on. When he was sound asleep, he fell to the ground from the third story and was picked up dead. Paul went down, threw himself on the young man and put his arms around him. “Don’t be alarmed,” he said. “He’s alive!” Then he went upstairs again and broke bread and ate. After talking until daylight, he left. The people took the young man home alive and were greatly comforted.

Acts 20:7-12 (NIV)

What’s the point of Luke’s account? Don’t sleep in church? God’s power was displayed through the Apostle Paul? It’s probably something along those lines, not the supposed “moral of the story” I suggested in the last stanza of my poem. But I couldn’t resist. I sent the poem off to three of my preacher friends. So far, they haven’t responded. They’re probably busy crafting succinct sermons. Good luck, I say!

(background image by Peter H on Pixabay)

#acts20 #eutychus #homiletics #longsermons #workingbackward #keepitshortstupid

Dear Deluded Doctor

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Commentary

For now, I’ll just copy what I wrote on Facebook:

Susan tells me she’s glad I find comfort in writing. I think it’s called lament.

I don’t know about that last line. How can death be a disease? I tossed down this whole poem almost intuitively, not thinking deeply about my word choice. When that happens, I tend to trust my subconscious. There may be more there than meets the eye.

#changeordie #resistingchange #preferringdeath

(background image by Fernando Zhiminaicela on Pixabay)

Roget’s Prayer

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Commentary

On two or three recent occasions, I have needed the word “extrapolate,” but couldn’t think of it. So, I had to resort to “compensate.” This morning, the word I was seeking popped into my mind, and I was so happy I wrote a poem.

It is said that Peter Mark Roget (1779–1869) made lists of related words partly to combat his persistent depression. Which of us hasn’t benefited from the resulting Roget’s Thesaurus? As you can probably guess, he was a brilliant and accomplished man. He also lived a long life. He was deaf by the time he died at age 90. I didn’t know that yet when I attributed my own prayer to him in the title of this poem.

Read more about Roget: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peter_Mark_Roget

#roget #thesaurus #hayakawa #usetherightword #synonyms #extrapolate #compensate

Representative!

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Commentary

The only comfort I feel when it comes to automated phone support is knowing that I’m not alone in despising it. Maybe I need a new perspective.

Maybe next time I make one of those calls, I’ll remember who God says I am, and why I’m here.

#representative #customersupport #human #human #human #humanbeing #forgodssakehuman

(background image by Alexa on Pixabay)

Finishing Touchés

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Commentary

Yesterday I read an article exploring why lay people often insist that we should not end sentences with prepositions. Linguists say we CAN do so in English, and that the rule came from a wrong-headed attempt to conform English to Latin.

I like French and other Romance languages. But I don’t like silly rules, such as the one that says you can’t end a sentence with a preposition, or that you can’t start a sentence with “but.”

#grammarnazis #sillyrules #romancelanguages #linguistics

(background image by Denis Doukhan on Pixabay)

Hey!

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Commentary

On my way to church this morning, I was listening to “A Way With Words” on the car radio. One caller was asking about the interjections “Say!” and “Hey!” It dawned on me that my imagination has always shut down when someone says “Hay is for horses.” In my mind’s eye, I spelled out the homonyms: “hay” and “hey.” That’s when this poem was born.

(background image based on one by “12019” on Pixabay… with a little generative fill behind the horse)

Dear Sloth

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Commentary

Slow music, even slow dance
Are sometimes great
But I’m sure you can relate:
They’re not for me
When I get up early
And the night before,
I stayed up late.

(background image by Eddy Camejo on Pixabay)

#slowmusic #sloth #dance #worship

Ding Dong Lunatics

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Commentary

Once, long ago a hospital chaplain told me that the hospital is extra busy when there’s a full moon. I believe it. That’s why I looked up the moon phase when I wrote this poem. I was seriously thinking that maybe there was a full moon out there. But there wasn’t. So that’s not it!

Here’s a confession. That first line–My brain’s on patrol–is a clue that the real problem is in my mind. I went to work today dreading the return of a difficult patron. I’ll spare you the details so as to keep my job. Don’t worry…. I maintained my professionalism… on the outside.

It’s a good thing that Monday is a federal holiday, and that I work at a place that observes all holidays….

#learningpatience #dingdongs #lunacy #waxingcrescent #waxingpoetic

(background image by Robert Karkowski on Pixabay)

Simon the Exploiter

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Commentary

In my crawl through Acts, I have just about made it through chapter 8. Once again, Luke is telling a story that contrasts GENEROSITY (God’s generosity, reflected in selfless servants) with GREED (here it is Simon the Magician’s apparent desire to exploit God’s generosity).

Question: is it possible Simon was a true believer? Was he saved in Luke’s account? Does Luke actually want us to struggle with this question? He leaves off with Simon declining to do the one thing Peter requires of him: personally repent and pray for God’s forgiveness.

#acts8 #simonmagus #simony #greed #exploitation #repentance

Word to the Wise Guy

When you go to poke fun
And the response isn’t glee,
Make your very next words
An apology.
— Brad Hepp, 9/7/2023

Commentary

I have often observed a kind of bullying behavior: a man or woman, girl or boy is easily stressed; less easily stressed jerks take advantage of that person by “kidding” them and then criticizing them when the “kidding” is not taken in stride.

Perhaps this is why I so much appreciate the Geigerism “Kid Up!”

Kid Up

MIDNIGHT ABLUTIONS OF A PENSIVE RACCOON

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I sit on a rock on the bank of the stream, by the light of the moon methodically washing my midnight snack.

I’m thinking back to an earlier time, when darkness fell on the farmer’s shack….

Seated on a well-worn balustrade, I watched the farmer through slits in a dusty window shade. He sat on a chair at the kitchen table. By light of a lantern, he methodically penned. Poetry, I suppose.

With far less writing than scratching of head, he’d occasionally put pencil to paper and thoughtful compose.

Finally, he set down his pencil, snuffed out the lantern, and waddled to bed.

My careful ablutions are now complete.

It’s “Good night” to you, and to me, a pensive “Bon appétit.”

— Brad Hepp, 8/9/2023

(image adapted from original by Wolfgang Deckers on Pixabay)

#raccoons #thoughtfulwriting #pondering #poetry #turnthetables #rolereversal

Cease, O Drums, Thy Overwhelming

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Commentary

When I posted this on Facebook, I kept having to add comments to clarify my intent:

1. Is there anything more pathetic than an opinionated old audiophile with bad hearing?

2. In my experience, drums can be played in a way that complements the other instruments and voices, or they can be played in a way that draws attention to themselves. That’s just a matter of skill. Additionally, since I’m losing hearing in the higher frequencies, poorly-played drums (with their lower frequencies) can easily dominate and muddy up the whole ensemble. But hey, I torture people in my home with very bad accordion playing, so who am I to talk?

3. I want to be crystal clear…. I have nothing against drums, including as part of worship. As I sit here now, I’m reading theology while listening to one of my favorite Pandora stations. It features electronic dance music by artists like Tiesto, ATB, Armin Van Buren (much of it is built on driving beats). All I meant to say in the poem is “be skillful; be aware of how your instrument complements—or detracts from—other instruments.” One of my nephews is a top-notch drummer. I think he studied under a jazz drummer. When I talked with him about this, he expressed opinions very similar to my own.

(background image adapted from one by Carlos Rocha on Pixabay)

Disloyal Face

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Commentary

I sent this poem to a dear friend, saying “I think of you when I write this, with thankfulness that you use my guilelessness FOR me, and not AGAINST me.”

Having strong emotions is a blessing. Not being able to fully control them or mask them can be a curse.

MY FRIEND’S RESPONSE
My friend wrote: “You are allowed to have feelings and initial reactions. I would hope people would understand that and give you time to process.”

“That said, stay away from the poker tables. 😂 “

ALSO MY FRIEND’S RESPONSE
My friend also sent this shirt…

(background image by Stefan Keller on Pixabay)

#pokerface #guileless #masks #facialrecognition #emotions #proverbs29v11

Missing Roofs

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Commentary

You can’t be good at everything.

My friend, David Lewis suggested that “The arch never occurred to them. So perhaps we can’t refer to anything built in their time as architecture.”

I checked a dictionary and then responded, “I’m a fan of creative etymology. That one almost sounds plausible.”

David allowed that “Almost” is closer than I usually get.”

I have clever friends. Hopefully they don’t realize how easily they could pull one over on me….

Zeff, Not Jeff

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Commentary

I did actually meet a Zeff today. We talked about the origin of his name (Hebrew?), tools one can borrow at the library, and turning every lawn into a meadow. He didn’t seem to think I’m crazy, so maybe I have a new friend. Just don’t tell him about this limerick.

EDIT, 2/1/2024: Although I haven’t gone back and worked on this new friendship, I have since learned from someone else that the Zeff in question is a brilliant young man.

Speech Sins

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Commentary

FIRST, MY STATE OF MIND IN WRITING THIS POEM
Occasionally, I lie awake for hours, struggling with the consequences of being an obvious sinner. Then, the sun rises and I must go forth, in hope that the Spirit will channel this expressive energy God gave me.

The sins of some people are obvious, going before them into judgment, but for others, they show up later. Similarly good works are also obvious, and the ones that are not cannot remain hidden.

1 Timothy 5:24‭-‬25 NET

NOW THE EXCELLENT FEEDBACK OF TWO WISE FRIENDS
First, from Jim Powell: “You probably already know this, but Tony Campolo famously began one of his sermons by saying: ‘I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a shit. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said shit than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.'”

Jim added, “For the record, I do not use profanity, though I occasionally will quote it if there is a reason to do so. I probably wouldn’t even use it the way that Tony Campolo did, however, he is right about his priorities. While we sleep tonight, thousands of children will die of hunger, malnutrition, and curable diseases. And we don’t get as energized about doing something about it, because we don’t see any angle in which we would be fighting against sin. In fact, too many Christians would turn away those very children if they showed up at our southern border. Because right-wing news media have convinced many that they are a grave threat to our national security.”

Then, this from David Lewis: “I read in a (now out-of-print) book a line about a woman who was poisoning her husband little-by-little. She distilled the poison out of sweet words, loving words, gentle words, all of them withheld.”

#1timothy5v24 #stoneswillcry #luke19v40 #whenwordsaremany #proverbs10v19

About That New Manager

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Less than two months into my new job at the library, and I’ll be getting a new manager. I wrote this poem for Jennifer’s going-away party (I also sent it to the Dallas Public Library Director and to the relevant District Manager). Back when I was hired, I had marveled with a friend that Jennifer has a background that’s ideal for the areas in which I want to grow. I think the two months DID set me on a good course. We’ll see what a new manager brings into the mix….

February 2024 update: We did get a new manager a couple of months later, and he has been SUPERB!

After an Ice Storm

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Commentary

From worldhistory.org: “Sisyphus (or Sisyphos) is a figure from Greek mythology who, as king of Corinth, became infamous for his general trickery and twice cheating death. He ultimately got his comeuppance when Zeus dealt him the eternal punishment of forever rolling a boulder up a hill in the depths of Hades.”

#icestorm #determination #sisyphus #drivingonice #slippingaway

Misguided Dandelion

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Commentary

Live long enough (or thoughtfully enough), and we all have to consider the words Jesus spoke shortly before his own death:

Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. Whoever loves his life loses it, and whoever hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.

John 12:24‭-‬25 ESV

(background image by “jplenio” on Pixabay)

#john12vv24-25 #eternallife #seeds #flourishing #dandelions

A Tale of Cruel Logic

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Commentary

Here’s a proverb that applies to more than our treatment of animals:

A righteous man regardeth the life of his beast: but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel.

Proverbs 12:10 (the KJV rendering I memorized as a child)

NOTE: this is not about my actual nextdoor neighbor. His middle name is Kindness.

(background image by moi)

Midnight Plumbing

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Commentary

Word to the wise: Don’t take Claritin-D shortly before going to bed, especially when you really need to sleep. Your sinuses will be clear, but you’ll just lie there with racing thoughts. The “D” in Claritin-D apparently stands for doggerel.

On the night I wrote this poem, I messed up, and took the wrong medication. As a result, I was wide awake, and I started doing something I often do when I first wake up in the morning: in my head I was taking words and arranging them in various orders, looking for an arrangement that pleased me. In the end, the only way I could get this out of my head was to get out of bed and write down the results. It’s not a great poem, but at least I DID get to sleep after writing it.

My Knees Are Sore

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Commentary

In my dream two nights ago, my friend and I were stealing large tables from a church. We spotted a police officer, and my friend said, “We’ll rent that box truck!” Quickly, I threw my table into the back of the truck and leaped in after it. WHAM! I had launched myself out of bed and landed on my knees. Crime doesn’t pay, even in my sleep.

In trying to come up with appropriate hashtags for this poem that I wrote last night, I did a search for “moving in dreams.” I’m not going to dignify the results. As with most searches I make these days for “what does it mean if I [fill in the blank],” Google supplied articles suggesting that I am in the early stages of senescence. I suspect the little boys and girls at Google are having a good laugh at my expense.

Back to reality…. Obviously, Susan woke up and asked why I had landed on the floor. I spared her the details of the dream until morning. But she went and got some arnica cream for me to rub on my knee caps along with an ice pack to prevent swelling. I lay there feeling the chill on my knees and contemplating the end of my walking days. Two days later, I think I’ll be fine. But Susan has mentioned a guard rail. And she definitely wants me to keep a pillow on the wooden chest that my face would hit if my knees don’t hit first. She isn’t worried that I’d lose my good looks. It’s my cranium that concerns her.

(background photo by Jay Mantri on Pixabay)

Go Team, Go!

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Commentary

This poem is a lighthearted way of putting a serious problem: we humans often care more about being on the winning team than we do about accomplishing something that matters in the long run. We just want to win, to get our way, to come out on top. We race each other to the summit of Everest. There in the death zone, we plant our flag, and hasten to die.

(background image by Dimitris Vetsikas on Pixabay)